Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
