sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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