i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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