I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
