well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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