yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
