Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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