So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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