Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
