I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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