Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
