well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize