STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
me + whiskey = a bad person
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
