those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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