He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
