She's JV to your varsity
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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