dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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