I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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