The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
