I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
