i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
