that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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