we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dicks are not precious.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize