If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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