You don't have asthma, your pregnant
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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