Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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