after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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