Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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