That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
