I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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