he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
