She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
