I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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