Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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