Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
