i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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