We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
