What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize