How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
