I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
