Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize