it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize