Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
