you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
