I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
