Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
