Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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