it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
