How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize