I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
