Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
