Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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