Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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