I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
