It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
