Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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