I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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