quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
