Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
