so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
