I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
