True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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