he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
