TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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