I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
