Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
