I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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